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Friday, 29 January 2016

Reason Why I Don't Wear Pants, Says Tonto Dike

Tonto Dikeh confided in a close friend, who happens to be one of my industry moles about her dislike for wearing loose sk irts or pa nts, she revealed that she always love to wear tight trousers because she is easily aro used when any think comes close to her wa ist or priv ate area, of which p ants and loose ski rts are a major cul prit. Personally I think it is wrong for a lady not be well packaged, in terms of wearing the right set of underw ear and gadgets to protect the necessary areas, but I guess it b oils down to choice at the end of the day, to w ear or not to w ear.

Reekado Banks,discussed the issue between Olamide & Don Jazzy, In his Interview

Cont. I never clubbed. My life has always been by myself with my family and close friends. The only thing I miss is that I can’t take a stroll on the street. RELATIONSHIP STATUS I am single.

Reekado Banks,discussed the issue between Olamide & Don Jazzy, In his Interview

Cont. ONE OF THE YOUNGEST IN MAVIN CREW It feels good to be a member of a family with older and encouraging people. That’s why I didn’t feel awkward when Don Jazzy referred to me as children at the Headies. I am his child; he can call me child as long as he wants. FAVOURITE MEMBER OF THE MAVIN CREW I love everyone but to be honest, Dija is my favourite. ASPIRATIONS IN MUSIC I’d like to get every award; I don’t have anything in mind, I just want to play music and enjoy myself. My mind is not on awards; I just want everyone to have fun. My greatest achievement is that people enjoy themselves. IF NOT MUSIC, WHAT? I don’t know what I would have done. I guess I would have graduated and gotten a job by now. OPINION ON CELEBRITY LIFE It’s very boring. I can do every other thing I want except take a stroll on the street and I miss that. I wasn’t exposed because of the type of family I came from; I was always indoors. I had the most fun with my family. When I was in the university... Cont.

Reekado Banks,discussed the issue between Olamide & Don Jazzy, In his Interview

Better known as Reekado Banks, Ayoleyi Hanniel Solomon, Nigerian entertainer and musician, has been on the high rise to stardom since he joined the Mavin crew in 2014. Speaking to The Cable, the 22-year-old artiste talked about his aspirations and what it means to be in the Mavin crew. Checkout his Interview below:- WINNING NEXT RATED ACT There were three other artists nominated for the Next Rated act and I feel very good emerging winner of the category. SETTLING OF DON JAZZY-OLAMIDE RIFT I don’t know how it was settled. I was at the studio when Don Jazzy came in and told me that the rancour had been settled and that he had posted about it on Instagram. REACTION FROM FAMILY ABOUT MUSIC I was fortunate enough not to be restricted, all I did was tell my mum. She told my dad and he said he didn’t have a problem with that and that all he needed to be sure of was that I would not leave Jesus Christ.... Cont.

Reekado Banks,discussed the issue between Olamide & Don Jazzy, In his Interview

Better known as Reekado Banks, Ayoleyi Hanniel Solomon, Nigerian entertainer and musician, has been on the high rise to stardom since he joined the Mavin crew in 2014. Speaking to The Cable, the 22-year-old artiste talked about his aspirations and what it means to be in the Mavin crew. Checkout his Interview below:- WINNING NEXT RATED ACT There were three other artists nominated for the Next Rated act and I feel very good emerging winner of the category. SETTLING OF DON JAZZY-OLAMIDE RIFT I don’t know how it was settled. I was at the studio when Don Jazzy came in and told me that the rancour had been settled and that he had posted about it on Instagram. REACTION FROM FAMILY ABOUT MUSIC I was fortunate enough not to be restricted, all I did was tell my mum. She told my dad and he said he didn’t have a problem with that and that all he needed to be sure of was that I would not leave Jesus Christ.... Cont.

Here's how much Google paid that guy who bought this search engine; 'google.com' for a minute

Google’s own domain was bought from under its nose for $12 in October, and Google just revealed how much money it paid to get it back. After seeing “google.com” available for purchase on Google Domains, Sanmay Ved went for it, and owned the most iconic domain name of all time for a grand total of 1 minute. After seeing what happened, Google quickly cancelled the purchase, and later gave him an undisclosed reward. The amount Google paid him — $6,006.13 — which is “Google” spelled with numbers, the company announced in a blog post. According to Business Insider, Ved donated his reward to The "Art_of_Living India", and upon hearing that, Google doubled the amount. The blog post details Google’s security awards program, where it awards people who find security flaws and bugs within Google. According to the post, the company gave out over $2 million in 2015 to over 300 researchers.

Thursday, 28 January 2016

Prom2pee: b.i.t.w." Promise_prince Admin; for promisecrib.blogspot.com

....official name: PROMISE_PRINCE Age as of 2015: 19 Height: 7.52" ....promise was born in lagos @ mangoro street, and originated generationally, from AKS(AKWA_IBOM STATE) OF NIGERIA. he was later transfered to an upgrading life @ ifako ijaiye still in lagos. Grew with his attendant in several education level. First, was his '6-damiland group of sch. '3_3-Guaranty group of sch. With a satisfying SCH. Cert. RESULT! He has passion in art, football, dances, musics, researches, made him an outblown world surfist and philosopher. He has taken part financialy, in several job creations. He is born along 4sibling. But the second in command! He is a poly to the online dj @Dj'brytos. He once took rap as his choice and will never forfiet it! He is coded to life moods and the events present in it.... Check out for more Here promisecrib.blogspot.com

Prom2pee: b.i.t.w." Promise_prince Admin; for promisecrib.blogspot.com

....official name: PROMISE_PRINCE Age as of 2015: 19 Height: 7.52" ....promise was born in lagos @ mangoro street, and originated generationally, from AKS(AKWA_IBOM STATE) OF NIGERIA. he was later transfered to an upgrading life @ ifako ijaiye still in lagos. Grew with his attendant in several education level. First, was his '6-damiland group of sch. '3_3-Guaranty group of sch. With a satisfying SCH. Cert. RESULT! He has passion in art, football, dances, musics, researches, made him an outblown world surfist and philosopher.

Home #trick: Hole in Hand

What You'll Need: One tube, two hands and two eyes. Effect: For this illusion, you'll first need to find a small tube. A cardboard paper towel tube works great for this illusion, although if you can't find one, you can always roll up a sheet of paper into the same shape or find something else that is similar. First, you want to hold the tube in front of one eye and with both eyes look at something in the distance (approximately 10 to 15 feet away). Next, hold your free hand (the one not holding the tube) up in front of the eye that is not looking through the tube. Your hands and eyes should now be positioned similar to the illustration above. What You'll See: You should see a round hole in the palm of your hand. The object that you were looking at in the distance should be perfectly visible through this hole.

The history of google By promise_prince'

Google, the leading search engine worldwide, was founded in 1998 by Stanford University graduate students Larry Page and Sergei Brin. While at Stanford in 1996, Page and Brin began developing a search engine they eventually entitled BackRub. This search engine was designed to look at the connecting links between web pages in order to determine a site's authority. In 1998, Page and Brin set up their first data center in Page's dorm. With the encouragement of fellow Stanford alum David Filo, who started Yahoo a few years earlier, Page and Brin decided to start a company and started looking for investors to back them. Andy Bechtolsheim, one of the founders of Sun Microsystems, invested $100,000 in the company after receiving a demo of their search technology. Eventually the pair raised over $1M. Google, Inc. was established on September 7, 1998 in a friend's garage in Menlo Park, California. Page and Brin hired their first employee, Craig Silverstein, who was later to become Google's Director of Technology. In their humble beginnings, Google served over 10,000 queries a day and quickly gained a reputation as a trustworthy source of information. By 1999, it was serving 500,000 queries a day and the company moved from the unassuming four walls of a garage to the now mega Googleplex headquarters in Mountain View, California. Google achieved praise and publicity as news spread rapidly through online and offline media as well as their receipt of numerous awards and recommendations. Their audience continued to grow along with their reputation for effectiveness, relevance, speed and reliability. In 2000, Google replaced Yahoo's own internal search engine as the provider of supplementary search results on Yahoo. Now, with more than 50% share of the total search market, Google provides search results for numerous search engines on the web. Google has become all-important to both search engines and search engine optimization specialists alike. The other search engines have a tendency to mimic any algorithmic changes made by Google. Likewise, search engine optimization specialists continually study the changes as well in order to provide their clients with the best search engine rankings. Google is the one to watch.

Good News! Airtel Introduces ₦100 For 1GB Weekend Data Plan

AIRTEL users, Here is a good news for you guys!! A new #browsing_cheat AIRTEL Nigeria has just introduced weekend data bundle capped at 1024mb (1GB) for just ₦100 only.. Dial *474*1# to activate! Dial *140# to check data. It can be use only on weekends (Friday to Sunday). Prom2pee just subscribed now with ₦100 and I was given 1GB to expire 14/11/2015. That means I can use it today (Sunday) and Saturday next week. You can now download whatever you want to download and stream online. Thanks to Airtel.

Police arrest woman for selling her baby for N300,000

Butswat said the suspect (Enoch) was already undergoing interrogation at the Akenfa Police Station in Yenagoa Local Government Area of the state. He stated, “Detectives from Akenfa Police Station, Yenagoa, have arrested one Oyikepreye Enoch, female, 28 years, for allegedly selling her three months old baby girl to one Esther Tony, female, 30. “The suspect sold the baby, who is her child, for N300,000. Enoch and Tony are undergoing interrogation at the Akenfa Police Station, Yenagoa.” He added that investigation was ongoing to ascertain the motive behind the criminality.

Police arrest woman for selling her baby for N300,000

The police in Bayelsa State have said their operatives have apprehended a woman for selling her three-month-old baby. The Police Public Relations Officer, Bayelsa State Command, Mr. Asinim Butswat, said in a terse statement on Wednesday that the suspect, one Oyikepreye Enoch, 28 years old, sold off her baby girl to one Esther Tony, 30. Though the police spokesman did not indicate the motive behind the sale of the infant, he however said the suspect, who is the mother of the baby, sold her for N300,000.

Lassa fever: Lagos records second death

Idris noted that the health ministry had begun tracing 90 persons that may have had contact with the latest victim. He stated, “The lady had received care in one private hospital and three churches before she was referred to Ijede General Hospital with fever. She died few hours of admission. We confirmed that she died of Lassa fever on Tuesday. “The remains of the patient have been kept in the morgue in leak proof body bag. She is to be buried after due consultation with her family. So far, Lagos State has recorded 20 suspected cases of Lassa fever since the outbreak of the disease. “As of now, 14 suspected cases tested negative, while four cases were confirmed positive of Lassa fever. The results of two suspected cases are pending. The ministry has listed 537 contacts of the confirmed cases and 534 of the contacts are currently being monitored.” A 51- year- old man had died of Lassa fever at the Mainland Hospital in Yaba, Lagos last week. He had also travelled to Edo in December.

Lassa fever: Lagos records second death

Bukola Adebayo A 27-year-old lady has died of Lassa fever at the Ijede General Hospital in Lagos. The State Commissioner for Health, Dr. Jide Idris, confirmed that the patient who had received treatment from a private hospital and three churches before she was referred to the general hospital where she eventually died on Tuesday. According to the commissioner on Wednesday, the deceased may have contacted the disease after she travelled to Edo State on December 24, 2015 and returned to Lagos on January 2, 2016.

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

World craziest joke

GIRL: i have sinned; i called my boyfriend a bastard. PASTOR: So wat did he do to deserve dat? GIRL: He kissed me. PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor kissed the girl. GIRL: Yes! PASTOR: Well, dats no reason to call him a bastard. GIRL: But he touched my breast. PASTOR: U mean like this? The pastor touched her breast. GIRL: Yes! PASTOR: Thats no reason to call him a bastard. GIRL: But, he took off my clothes and had sex with me! PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor took off her clothes and had sex with the girl. GIRL: Yes PASTOR: Well, thats also no reason to call him a bastard. GIRL: Then he told me he has AIDS. PASTOR: U are a BASTAAAARD!!! What do u expect he says..

Biography of TERRY G'

FULL NAMES: Gabriel Oche Amanyi[Terry G] DATE OF BIRTH: March 17, 1986 OCCUPATION: Singer/dancer/songwriter RELATIONSHIP STATUS: In A Relationship EARLY LIFE AND BACKGROUND Terry g is the first child of four children born to Lagos based clergy parents, attended Starfield Educational Centre in Lagos but due to financial constraints could not further his education. Terry was introduced to music by his mother, a choir mistress, who encouraged Terry to join the Redeemed Christian Church of God, Praise Palace, Oko-Oba choir and his time as a chorister enabled Terry to learn the basics of music. True to his roots, Terry started as a gospel artiste but the lure of financial security made him switch to pop music and the decision seems to have paid off as he has now found fame and fortune through pop music. After his switch, Terry had his tutelage under one of Nigeria’s star musician, Faze, providing back- up vocals and honing his music skills. He shot to national limelight in... For more

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Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Jamb 2016/2017 Latest News

Hello Jambite, Welcome to www.jambnews.ng. As at now, Here is a summary of everything concerning Jamb 2016.The Jamb 2016 Registration is still on. The closing date is Friday 15th now Sunday 31st January 2016. The Exam is expected to begin on the 29th of February.
The registration slips of most of the candidates has no specific date for the exam. Candidates will be informed to reprint these slips a few days before 29th Feb.Jambnews.ng will send an sms(free of charge) to candidates when this process begin. To receive this vital sms plus others; sign up to our sms alert now.
Jambnews.ng secret Facebook page shall also be updated with the latest concerning the UTME… That’s it!A fairly large number of candidates are currently practicing the new jamb JPQOQ, click here to start with Last days at Forcados High Quiz.
Others are confirming their Jamb combo here, Jamb cut off mark here.All serious candidates have gotten the syllabus already.
Stories have been told of innocent folks who registered for Jamb Exam, Missed it cause of false news. register for our news alert and visit www.jambnews.ng daily and you will not miss a thing. | see jamb faq here
You could stop here now! Or scroll down to read more stuffs regarding the 2016 UTME.

Jamb 2016 Registration

Applications are invited from suitably qualified candidates for admission into Nigeria Tertiary Institutions through the Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME) for the 2016/2017 academic session.

FREE CBT: Last Days at Forcados…

The novel – Last days at Forcados High school is compulsory for all those partaking in the 2016 UTME. We’ve put together a 30 question quiz to simulate the Jamb CBT Experience. Click Here to try out the quiz. Note that there will be no prize for the winner.

Registration Period

The UTME registration period is Monday, 31st August, 2015 to Friday, 15th January, 2016 and the website closes on Tuesday, 19th January, 2016.

Preferred Institutions List for Jamb 2016.

These are the list of universities you could chose as your 2nd choice. The idea is to give you something to consider falling back
to just in case.

Jamb 2016 Cut Off Mark

Last year, Jamb  did decide at her policy implementation meeting that 180 should be the flat rate for all universities. Polytechnics and COEs were to go with 150. But you know how it is. Some universities still go ahead and set a different bench mark for poor
applicants.

Jamb 2016 Dates and Venues

The 2015 CBT will start on Monday, 29th February and end on 14th March, 2016.
The venue of the examination will be at the candidates’ chosen town during on-line registration. The actual date for each candidates’ exam shall be on the official UTME Registration slip.

Jamb 2016 Registration Fee

Registration fee for the 2016 Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination is Five Thousand Naira (₦5,000). Candidates are also to pay ₦500.00 only to obtain the textbook, “The Last Days at Forcados High School.” That’s a total of N5,500. However, candidates will only be issued the book at the point of registration after showing evidence of payment.
The Board has made arrangement to provide this book to avoid the challenge of availability and piracy as experienced in the last exercise. The Board will also sustain the last year’s regulated registration format where only our Computer Based Test (CBT) centres, state offices nationwide were authorized to register candidates. This is to avoid a situation where candidates are being exploited, prevent incidence of impersonation and other acts of malpractice.
Where to get Jamb Scratch Cards

Below are the official points where JAMB scratch cards can be purchased.
Banks:
1) First Bank Plc
2) First City Monument Bank
3) Skye Bank Plc
4) Union Bank
5) Zenith Bank
Visit any of their branches nationwide to buy the JAMB
e-registration scratch card.
Other selling points are:
1) JAMB HQ Abuja
2) JAMB Offices Nationwide
3) NIPOST

Jamb UTME FAQ

Jmab UTME FAQ consist of a list popular questions often asked about the Jamb Exams. Candidates and parents are advised to go through this page before dropping questions. Click Here to check the Jamb FAQ




FirstBank Unveils Enhanced Features On FirstMobile

First Bank of Nigeria Limited has unveiled a set of enhanced features in its integrated lifestyle mobile banking app, FirstMobile.
This is part of its effort to boost convenience and ease of banking as well as enhance customers’ digital banking experience in line with its commitment to offer value-added products and services that suit the lifestyles of its customers.
The mobile banking app which is secure and easy to use, allows customers to carry out banking transactions on the go from their mobile phones.
FirstBank customers can now conveniently carry out transactions without the use of token to a maximum daily limit of N150,000.00 on the enhanced app using a user-defined transaction pin which is an extra security feature.
Customers can also perform the following actions on the enhanced app: Change Transaction PIN, Reset Transaction PIN, Synchronize token, and change their log in pin – mPIN. The new feature also allows users share their experience on the app with friends and family via Facebook and Twitter using the ‘share this app’ menu.
With the smartphone app, customers can enjoy real-time mobile banking services such as domestic funds transfer from self-owned accounts to other FirstBank accounts and other bank accounts; as well as make quick airtime purchase for self and others on all mobile networks; bills payments; cheque services including confirm cheque and stop cheque, flight booking; and quick account services such as account balance inquiry, statement view and much more.
According to the Head, Digital Banking at FirstBank, Mrs. Folasade Femi-Lawal, the Bank will continue to leverage evolving technologies in bringing secure, fast and convenient financial services closer to Nigerians, in line with the bank’s digital banking strategy.
“Today, we are delighted that we have been able to deliver an app that supports the consumer lifestyle by providing users with an instant suite of financial options on their mobile devices in a convenient and highly secure environment. By enabling people to use their mobile phones as a tool for carrying out financial transactions and accessing lifestyle content, FirstBank is delivering long-term benefits for both our customers and the Nigerian economy as we continue to put our customers first,” she further explained.
To set up this app on a smartphone, customers with android phones should visit Google Play store to download and install the FirstMobile app. Once installed, customers are required to open the app, tap the REGISTER button and use their FirstBank issued Naira MasterCard or Verve card to activate the app.
The App is currently available on Google Play store, Blackberry world and iOS apple store.

10 Interesting facts about Nigeria

A land of diversity and opportunity, Nigeria is known as the home of hospitality and is considered to be the conference hub and cultural nerve-center of Africa.  But did you know that Nigeria is also…
  1. Africa’s most populous country - Nigeria has a population of 162.5 million people, representing 2.35% of the world's population. This means that essentially 1 out of every 43 people on the planet is a Nigerian!
  2. Multilingual and multicultural - There are over 500 ethnic groups in Nigeria, of which the three largest are Hausa, Igbo and Yoruba. Although the lingua franca (or official language) is English, there are over 600 distinct ethnic languages spoken in Nigeria.
  3. Home to Forbes’ richest man in Africa - Nigerian billionaire industrialist, Aliko Dangote is worth an estimated $12 billion. Aliko is one of 11 Nigerians listed in the Forbes Top 40 richest Africans.
  4. An Emerging/Frontier Market - Nigeria is one of the next ‘N-11’ countries, identified by Goldman Sachs’ economist Jim O'Neill. With significant growth potentials similar to the BRIC emerging market economies , Nigeria is projected to be one of the world's largest economies in the 21st century.
  5. A Global fashion capital - Nigeria has a booming fashion industry and the Arise Magazine show, which showcases African designers, is now a constant feature of New York Fashion Week. A number of International stars, including Thandie Newton and Angela Simmons have worn Nigerian designers’ pieces for premieres and other high profile events.
  6. A musical powerhouse – the Nigerian music industry is growing fast, with increasing collaborations between multi-platinum international artists and Nigerian artists. A few record labels have signed Nigerian artists, including; Kanye West signing D’Banj onto his label Good Music, and Akon signing Whiz Kid onto his label, Konvict Music.
  7. Beating out Bollywood - The Nigerian film industry, dubbed Nollywood, is the second largest in the world in terms of output, producing between 1000 to 2000 films annually with an annual turnover of around $250million.
  8. A lover of Social Media - With over 3 million Facebook users, the youthful population of Nigeria has fiercely adopted global social media tools. Blogging also reigns supreme with some of the country’s mainstream bloggers including Linda Ikeji’s blog and BellaNaija.
  9. Home to the happiest and the most optimistic people in the world! - A study of more than 65 countries published in the UK's New Scientist magazine suggests that the happiest people in the world live in Nigeria. In a 53-country Gallup poll, Nigerians were rated 70 points for optimism.
  10. Host to the world’s best parties – Nigerians are legendary for their love of family gatherings, parties and entertainment and this has a positive effect on global drinks brands! According to  Nigerians spent £38m on Champagne in 2012, and data analyst forecasts that the country will splash out £68m on Champagne in 2017, with consumption predicted to reach 1.1m litres by 2017!

I am not a Nigerian - Adebayor

Niger Republic striker at the ongoing African Nations Championship, Zakary Adebayor, has disclosed to journalists that he is not a Nigerian, adding that the media should desist from linking him to the country.
In a chat with CompleteSports at his team’s Gorilla Hotel, Adebayor revealed that he was born and bred in Niger Republic.
Rumours were spread in some quarters that Adebayor’s grandparents were Nigerians, but migrated to the neighbouring country to seek greener pastures in the 70s.
“I am from Niger Republic and people should stop this controversy of linking me with Nigeria.
“Fine I know Adebayor is a Nigerian name but I am from Niger Republic and I am happy to play for Mena,” he stated.
He was also of the opinion that Sunday Oliseh’s boys at the tournament are very good and could possibly lift the trophy in Rwanda.
“The Nigerian team is a good side and I think they can win the tournament.
“But Niger can still qualify from the group if we can beat Tunisia, which I think is not impossible to achieve if we work very hard,” he added.
promisecrib.blogspot.com

world most crazy jokes

Q: Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?
A: A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
Q: How do you make a fire with two sticks?
A: Make sure one is a match
Q. Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: Because he wasn’t peeling well!
Q: What’s the slipperiest country?
A: Greece!
Q: Why can’t you say a joke while standing on ice?
A: Because it might crack up!
Q: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?
A: It ran out of juice!
Q: What do postal workers do when they’re mad?
A: They stamp their feet.
Q: Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?
A: The players dribble a lot.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: What is at the end of everything?
A: The letter G.
Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
A: Fingernails.
Q: How do locomotives hear?
A: Through the engineers.
Q: Why is tennis such a loud game?
A: Because each player raises a racquet.
Q: Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.
Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Between you and me, something smells.
Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
A: She ran away from the ball.
Q: What did Cinderella say to the photographer?
A: Some day my prints will come.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick.
Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: It had too many problems.
Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A: It held up a pair of pants.
Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job?
A: They take short cuts!
Q: What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
A: Punch.
Q: What did the light bulb say to its mother?
A: I wuv you watts and watts.
Q: How can you tell that a train just went by?
A: It left its tracks.
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: Just in case he got a hole in one!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: I got you covered.
Q: What’s the tallest building in the world?
A: The library, because it has the most stories.
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread.
Q: What did the class clown take a computer to school?
A: Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?
A: At forks in the road.
Q: How do they serve smart hamburgers?
A: On honor rolls.
Q: What is the world’s longest punctuation mark?
A: The hundred yard dash.
Q: Why did the calendar write its will?
A: Its days were numbered.
Q: In what school do you learn how to greet people?
A: Hi school.
Q: What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?
A: Parachute school!
Q: Where does Friday come before Monday?
A: In the dictionary.
Q: What is black when clean, and white when dirty?
A: A blackboard.
Q: What kind of phones do people in jail use?
A: Cell phones
Q: What kind of driver has no arms or legs?
A: A screwdriver.
Q: What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?
A: A ruler.
Q: Why did the computer squeak?
A: Someone stepped on its mouse.
Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
A: Hot, because you can catch cold.
Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.
Q: Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
A: He wanted to go to high school!
Q: What did the one penny say to the other penny?
A: We make perfect cents.
Q: What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?
A: Holes.
Q: What did one hair say to the other?
A: It takes two to tangle!
Q: Why would Snow White make a great judge?
A: She was the fairest in the land.
Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?
A: In sundae school.
Q: What kind of underwear to reporters wear?
A: News briefs.
Q: What did one wall say to the other?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner.
Q: Why did the strawberry call 911?
A: It was in a jam!
Q: What did Tennessee?
A: The same thing Arkansas.
Q: Why didn’t the girl take the bus home?
A: Because her mom would make her take it back.
Q: Why was the baseball game so hot?
A: Because all the fans left!
Q: What do you call a story about a broken pencil?
A: Pointless
Q: How do you fix a broken vegetable?
A: With tomato paste.
Q: What do you give a lemon in distress?
A: Lemonade.
Q: What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?
A: One minds the train, one trains the mind.
Q: What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?
A: You’re the only bright spot in my life.
Q: What’s a tree’s favorite drink?
A: Rootbeer.
Q: What do you call a scared train?
A: A fright train!
Q: Why did the thief take a shower?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway!
Q: What does one bucket say to the other?
A: I am feeling pale today.
here was a man in prison he tried to find a way out, but he couldn’t. Finally, he found a way out through the cellar. So, he went through the cellar and ended up in a park. He shouted “I’m free! I’m free!” and a little girl said, “neat I’m 4.”
Q: What do you call two banana peels?
A: Slippers.
Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
A: Because he wanted to be on time.
Q: What has three letters and and starts with gas?
A: A car
Q: Why can’t a bicycle stand up?
A: Because it’s two tired!
Q: Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the “r” sound?
A: Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
A man was looking for a person to paint her porch, so he hired a young lady and told her what to do. After about 30 minutes, the lady came to the door and said “I’m done.” The man asked “how did you get done so fast?” The lady said “it was hard at first, but it got easier towards the end. And by the way, it’s a Ferrarri not a Porsche.”
Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?
A: No thank you, I’m stuffed.
Q: What did the calculator say to the math student?
A: You can count on me!
Q: Why did the banana split?
A: It saw the ginger snap.
Q: Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?
A: She was caught taking a brake.
Q: Why are kindergarten teachers so good?
A: They can make little things count.
Q: When are kids most likely to go to school?
A: When the door is open.
Q: What letter can you drink?
A: T (tea)
Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a garage.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: It needed a root canal.
Q: What is always hot in the refrigerator?
A: Chili
Q: What’s the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?
A: Sherlock Bones.
Q: What did one flower say to the other flower?
A: Hey, bud!
Q: Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?
A: He had no patients.
Q: How do you cut a wave in half?
A: Use a sea saw.
Q: What did Delaware?
A: A New Jersey.
Q: Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?
A: He was caught stealing second base.
Q: How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?
A: Shocked.
Q: What do basketball players and babies have in common?
A: They both dribble.
Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarterback.
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
Q: What kind of dress can’t be worn?
A: Address.
Teacher: Billy, where on the map is The United States?
Billy: Over there.
Teacher: Right. Now Susan, who discovered The United States?
Susan: Billy!

1.  A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

2.  ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''

3.  ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

4.  A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

5.  A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.

6.  Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.         

7.  Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.  The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.          

8.  Another one was:  Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.  'It's not unusual' he replied.   

9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.      

10.  A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''         

11.  I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. 

12.  My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.  

13.  I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.        

14.  A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''   

15.  There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''          

16.  I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

17.  When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''. 

18.  ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''       

19.   I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''.

20.   I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.          

21.   A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''

22.  Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.      

23.  A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''

24.  A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''     

25.  The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.

26.   I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.     

27.  Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

28.  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

29.   I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, ''Are you two an item?'' 

30.   I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.          

31.  So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.

32.  Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''      

33.  I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

34.  There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

35.  I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''.          

36.  I backed a horse last week at ten to one.  It came in at quarter past four.      

37.   I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''         

38.   A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster   

39.  My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, ''Who's that calling at this time?' ''I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!''  

40.  I said to this train driver ''I want to go to Paris". He said ''Eurostar?'' I said, ''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''.

41.   Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.    

42.  I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.        

43.  You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.   

44.  A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'' 

45.   I tried water polo but my horse drowned.    

46.   I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

47.   So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray. 

48.   Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.          

49.  A seal walks into a club... 

50.   I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went  -  and I got it.









Buhari: Balarabe Musa and former petroleum minister disagree

— President Buhari tears Balarabe Musa and David-West apart
— Musa says President Buhari lacks ability to govern Nigeria
— David-West says Buhari is the only one good enough to lead Nigeria
Balarabe Musa, a former governor of old Kaduna state and Prof. Tam David-West, a former petroleum resources minister are in disagreement over the ability of President Muhammadu Buhari to govern the country.
Both men spoke in an interview with Daily Sun on Monday evening.
According to Musa, a former presidential candidate of Peoples Redemption Party (PRP), Buhari’s administration was using the falling crude oil prices at the international market as a cover up for its inefficiency and lack of direction on how to address the nation’s socio-economic problems.
We have to be honest to ourselves; this government has spent over seven months yet, there is no convincing economic blueprint on ground on how we can reinvent our economy. It is showing very well that it lacks ideas; it cannot cope with our severe economic challenges.
“To tell you that this government lacks idea about the economy, it knew that the price of oil was at $38 at the time it was preparing the budget, it pegged the benchmark at $35 instead of $28. Look at the foreign exchange mess we have been into. Government does not know how to handle the situation,” he said.

Nigeria Records 313,700 Stillbirths in 2015

An estimated 313,700 infants died as stillborn across the country in 2015, ranking Nigeria second after India, with some 592,100 stillbirths, according to a new study report by Lancet.
It comes amidst efforts to reduce stillbirths to about 12 or less per 1,000 births by 2030.
The report noted that Nigeria's second-place ranking for children dying before 28 weeks of pregnancy has remained the same since 2000, with only 1.3 deaths reduction annually since then.
By comparison, up to 240,000 infants died within their first 28 days of life last year, in addition to 58,100 women who died from pregnancy-related causes, according to the Lancet Series on Stillborn.
Programme manager, Society for Gynaecology and Obstetrics of Nigeria (SOGON), Dr Segun Adeoye described the numbers unacceptably high.
He said the proposed Maternal, Perinatal Death Surveillance and Response will give "more precise and accurate data on why mothers and babies are dying."
Nigeria leads eight other countries on a list of 10 countries with the highest absolute numbers of stillbirths-1.7 million among them, half attributed to Nigeria, India and Pakistan-and a reduction among them is expected to cause global impact in numbers.

Wednesday, 20 January 2016

20 Richest Hip Hop Stars 2015 [Forbes]

blingThe annual Forbes Hip-Hop Cash Kings: The World's Highest-Paid Rap Acts is out for 2015, Doddy tops the list again followed by Jay Z, Drake and Dr. Dre.  But furthers down the list 0f 20 there are a few newcomers and surprises.
1. DiddyDiddy $60 million
2. Jay Z: $56 million
3. Drake: $39.5 million
4. Dr. Dre: $33 million
5. Pharrell: $32 million
6. Eminem: $31 million
7. Kanye West: $22 million
8. Wiz Khalifa: $21.5 million
9. Nicki Minaj: $21 million
10. Birdman: $18 million
11. Pitbull: $17 million
12. Lil Wayne: $15 million
13. Kendrick Lamar: $12 million
13. J. Cole: $11 million
14. Snoop Dogg: $10 million
16. Rick Ross: $9 million
17. Tech N9ne: $8.5 million
18. Ludacris: $8 million
19. T.I.: $6 million
20. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis: $5.5 million

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